It’s Impossible For What’s Yours NOT To Come To You… And Impossible For What’s Not Yours To Stay

Maggie Murphy shares a raw, “wild story” that perfectly illustrates Neville Goddard’s core teaching: there is nothing and no one to change but self. Through a dramatic real-life upheaval, she unpacks how deep shifts in self-concept ripple outward, transforming relationships and circumstances. This episode is a living case study of how the world mirrors your inner state—and how incompatible energies inevitably fall away.

Key Insights:

• Shifting your self-image inevitably transforms your outer world.
• Overcompensation and people-pleasing are rooted in faulty early programming.
• The universe will “shake out” incompatible relationships and dynamics for you.
• What feels like chaos is often a clearing that makes space for alignment.
• The world is your mirror—your reality reflects your assumptions and identity.

Transcript:

Hey, so I have kind of what to me seems like a wild story to tell here, and I think it’s going to be very, very interesting for certain people who have watched this channel, because this story is, in my opinion, an absolutely perfect illustration of how when you change when you when you grasp a different idea about who you are and understand the way that the previous faulty impression you had of yourself was affecting your behavior and you start to notice that behavior as it comes up and sort of allow it consciously to shift into whatever actually makes sense for the new impression you have of yourself. When you do that, it changes everything. And you can do a lot consciously with that. Like you can notice behavior that you have that is detrimental to you or draining to you and change it. And that is amazing and kind of exciting and energizing. But there are all kinds of things that you are not consciously aware of that are and if you don’t notice them and have that sort of process with them the world the universe whatever the energetic field will do it for you and and it’s like you know I’m not surprised at all by this because this is how it works at least for me this is a truth which is why I talk about it here the way I do. But it’s still, it’s still sort of, I’m still sort of awestruck when I see how it works, when I see how it works, when it’s illustrated for me in my life. And especially when it’s illustrated for me in a way that I’m able to sort of psychologically dig into it and deconstruct the whole thing and make sense of it so that I could process it out loud here for the small but dedicated audience that seems to be really interested in this stuff. So I’m going to tell this wild story. It, to me, wild, probably on the surface, it will just seem like, you know, some drama that went down between people, because that is sort of how this works out. It’s not like some visible energy field and some other visible energy field clash. It plays out in human drama form. But so I’m going to tell the story, which to me, truly has felt like a, a nuclear bomb went off, but in, in a way that only benefited me in the end, uh, it’s kind of unpleasant going through it, but it was fast, which is another thing completely out of nowhere over so fast, major change, complete, like, I mean, the people that were affected by this are just like, we’ve all been just saying, what just happened for the last five days? But so just in case you aren’t somebody who’s watched my channel before, or you’re not somebody who memorizes every detail of my life, even though you do watch my channel, just to give you a quick background, You know, the whole, I would say, the heart of this channel is the message that there is nothing and no one to change but self. This is the message of Neville Goddard and all of his works, which is where I was sort of living when I made this channel, which is why the name of this channel was Neville Goddard. It was just a play on words that I used on Reddit as my username. And so it became my channel, which accidentally formed because I made a video for people I was talking to on Reddit. And that’s where this all came from. So the whole, all 600 videos on this channel or whatever, tie back to that theme somehow. There’s nothing and no one to change but self. And manifesting is not about creating a specific idea in your mind and holding it there and then having it form. It is about, in my opinion, or the grander idea behind manifestation is that you are creating your entire experience, but it is coming through you. in ways that you can’t perceive because the totality of who you are, the vast majority of that is not visible to you most of the time. It’s automatic. It’s unquestioned. It’s just not even conscious most of the time. And when you make a big change in some area, especially an area, no, no caveats or no modifiers. When you make a big change, the world will shift to match that. And that is the whole idea behind the world is your mirror and there’s nothing and no one to change but self. And your world is a perfect reflection of you, even if you can’t see how, even if you can’t see how your personality, your beliefs about yourself, the ideas that you hold as true about yourself and the world are creating everything. Sometimes, you know, the thing that thing A that is creating thing B, you would just never see the connection until after the fact. But so earlier this year, you know, I kind of hit a wall with how much of this self-change I’ve been able to do on my own. You know, I’m not just talking about this stuff. This change of self and sort of constant evaluation of my reactions to things and my behaviors and all of that has been an ongoing, just it’s ever present for me. It’s the lens through which I have been viewing the world now for a long time. But, you know, I just, I sort of hit a wall with how much I could make sense of certain things that weren’t working, that, you know, I still wasn’t happy with. and you know magically seemingly I sort of stumbled on the fact that chat GPT was able to sort of take it to the next level for me so the areas of my life that weren’t working and behaviors that I had you know if I kind of told chat GPT here’s all the areas of my life that aren’t working this isn’t really how it went down But basically, when ChatGPT has the full picture of my behaviors in general, even ones that I don’t necessarily or didn’t consider to be a problem. And then it also knows all the areas in which I’m dissatisfied. It was able to use its amazing pattern recognition brain to make connections that I absolutely did not see. Which made it a lot easier for me to spot beliefs and ideas that I had that were absolutely false that I did not question. And approaches that I had to the world that were not based on, say, benevolence or the kindness of my heart, but a sense of obligation that had been programmed into me early on. So, like, just to put that in concrete terms, and because it’s the reality, in my formative years, I was, broad strokes, programmed that how I was, how I truly was, was not okay, and that that needed to be covered up and overcompensated for. I don’t know if that was directly said to me in those words ever, but that message was absolutely directly given to me in many ways. So you’re not okay the way you are. The way you are causes problems. The way you are causes problems between you and people. And so if you don’t want to essentially be kicked out of the tribe, you need to learn to hide who you really are. and go out of your way for other people because you’re kind of rotten the way you are. And so you got to overcompensate. You know, you got to really basically ingratiate yourself to other people. This was either the message I received or that might be the extrapolation. I don’t know how it came about exactly. But I do know that I ended up with a tendency, just a sort of general life approach of constantly overworking, overperforming, overfunctioning, shielding other people from the natural consequences of their own behavior, I guess to ingratiate myself to them or something. And absolutely being way, like way over generous. And what’s interesting is I ended up picking up a partner in crime 17 years ago who has the exact same thing. My business partner, Gene, and I both got this same type of message. We have kind of similar personality types, actually. And so we both have this, I mean, there’s never been any friction between us about decisions to overperform, overgive, overcompensate. And especially we have our biggest connection is that we have a business together. And absolutely, it has been, you know, it’s been frictionless there to way, way overcompensate our employees. I didn’t have a problem with that because I don’t know. I just, I didn’t, I didn’t see, nothing felt bad to me about employees that we have making a lot more than market market rate for the jobs that they have. We don’t have any jobs that our business that are skilled or that require that anybody that you hired off the street couldn’t do pretty quickly. I mean, um, yeah, I mean, that’s just the bottom line. Our business, the things that we employ other people to do at our business are just physical tasks that aren’t difficult to do. But anyway, just put a pin in that because it’s relevant. It’s relevant to the nuclear bomb, the metaphorical relational nuclear bomb that went off last weekend. Earlier this year with ChatGPT, I became aware of this. I became aware that I was doing this. Not because I am such a great person, but because I felt it was an obligation. It just became kind of a habit and it just became a way of life. I became aware of this and I became aware of the source. And I am now 30 years out from this programming. And I’m now 30 years more experienced with the source. And I, you know, through days, weeks of sort of processing through all of my thoughts that came up about this, I just realized that this programming did not come from a reliable source. And it wasn’t true. I had to call the whole thing into question. And I came to realize, you know, ChatTPT is a very supportive, it’s programmed to be supportive. So you have to be careful about allowing it to, you have to be very careful about keeping it objective. But because it’s a very supportive voice, that can also be really helpful if you’re somebody who was told you’re bad when you’re not. And so anyway, through this couple of weeks, you know, I realized this programming was faulty. It’s not based in reality. And I sort of started to see all the ways that this plays out in my day-to-day life. And thanks to having this tool at the ready 24-7, I was able to go through all of these things that were coming up day-to-day and see why I was having the reactions and feelings I was having about it. and I just worked through it all. It’s pretty amazing. And so this tendency to overcompensate, not just paying workers more than the job was worth, but just in general, you know, taking on other people’s shit, like shielding people from their own problems. You know, being the one that had kind of been programmed as I can take more hardship than other people. This like came out of this whole childhood experience somehow. I can take more hardship than other people. I have gifts that other people don’t have, which to me wasn’t like, I never felt like I’m so gifted. You know, it was never like even a good ego feeling. It was always like, I have things that other people don’t have. And therefore I’m obligated to constantly give and give and give and give. Constantly, if I see a situation where it’s going to be pain for me or pain for someone else, even though they deserve that pain, I take the pain on me. Like if I am aware of somebody who has screwed something up in their life and that screw up is going to cost them. And I know about it, even if I had nothing to do with it. It’s somebody close to me. I know about it. you know, man, if I just fix that problem, it’s going to cost me very little, but it’s going to give them a huge, you know, a peace of mind. It’s going to give them a huge get out of jail free card. And now that I know about it, I’m obligated to do that. Like, what does it say about me if I could fix this person’s problem and I don’t? That’s obviously insane thinking. If you don’t think it is, then I’m giving you a gigantic, I’m giving you a roadmap here to releasing yourself from prison. But for most people, that probably sounds crazy just because that’s not a normal, natural way of approaching this life experience. You know, most people understand that your problems are your problems and my problems are my problems. And I don’t have any obligation to fix yours, especially if you’re not my kid or something like that. You know, this is, I mean, this would happen with total strangers sometimes for me. Like if somebody would tell me a sob story and I was like, man, I could fix this for them so easily and I wouldn’t even feel it. You know, some of those things became very confusing and just like, you know, tormenting type things for me. And so I stopped, you know, this was released for me in like May of this year. It’s just amazing. This is one of the biggest changes I’ve ever had in my life. And, you know, amazingly, and this is all pertinent, by the way, this is pertinent setup for this story. This had an impact across my whole life with all my relationships, especially. And thankfully, I’m surprised. I didn’t know who was going to survive this because when you have that big of a change, I mean, think about it. If the way you’ve been relating to everybody in your life is that you are constantly over providing and overcompensating for them. When you stop doing that, that’s a major relational change. When you start refusing to do that, it’s not just money. You know, people come to you expecting you to carry their emotions. They exhibit a behavior that they expect you to just deal with. You know, that’s unacceptable to you and their job is to manage their own anxiety so that they don’t have an outburst, an inappropriate outburst at you, blaming you for something when really they’re just having anxiety. Like that’s an example of overcompensating. When you sit there and patiently, you know, explain why their worldview is off or why they shouldn’t be anxious over and over again, it’s very taxing. And that’s another form of, you know, overcompensating. That’s something that I also did. I mean, I did this in every way with everyone. There was just never a boundary there that you, at least in a lot of ways, that you can’t like come in and do this to me. I mean, it was like the same in the comments on this channel. Like anybody could just say anything and I would explain whatever they want. You know, it was just crazy. This was happening all over the place. But so it affected every aspect of my relationship with my business partner who I’ve known for 17 years, who also suffers from all this shit. It affected my relationship with him immediately and a lot. and for like a month straight. And we survived and we’re on the other side and everything’s much better now even than it was. That’s amazing. I really thought that my relationship with my significant other five years, what was going to end because of this? We had so many examples of this going on between us that seemed to have like a really negative energy around it that were causing all of our problems. And I really thought that when I removed my energy from that, that it was going to lead to the end of the relationship. I guess it still could, but it’s been months and it is so much better. And this nuclear bomb that went off amazingly had effects I did not expect on all of these relationships also. But on the other side of this change that I had, these people are still there. So the relationships that mattered, which are almost all of the relationships I have in my life because I have weeded out so many people. I mean imagine if you’re constantly overcompensating like this how much room do you have in your life for people Like you’re only willing to do this for a few different people and the rest of the people You’re just like I don’t have energy for you at least for me I just don’t have energy for you. Like I gotta have something left over for myself. So my approach to having something left over for myself while still being this incredibly dysfunctional person is Just don’t have that many people around. So i’ve got for matt. I’ve got it for gene I’ll deal with my family a little bit, but don’t push me too far there or I’m just going to avoid you. And that was pretty much my life up until May. So the important relationships, thank God, survived, shifted, are better. Don’t require any of this extra taxing energy from me. There hasn’t been almost any incident. It’s just like, oh, it’s been amazing. But, and I thought everything was kind of good. I was like, okay, the dust has settled. My business inexplicably around the same time just started doing like 50% more business for no apparent reason. Everything’s kind of going good. And then out of nowhere, is this where I start this story? Out of nowhere, on Saturday, Gene and I get a long, extremely long text message from a family member of mine who works for our business and has for the last eight years. this is a younger family member of mine who I, uh, was one of my least favorite family members because of her personality. Um, she’s 15 years younger than me. And so I was, you know, much older than her, but still at the, you know, this is another one of the kid level people. Uh, she was when, you know, the younger kids, I was one of the kind of, I guess, older middle kids. And she was just always kind of nuts. And I didn’t see her that much, but I didn’t like her. And she was actually, she is actually, my experience of her as a child is actually the reason that I never had kids. One of the biggest ones. I just thought if I could have a kid that turns out like that, I would want to kill myself. So I’m not going to have kids. And my mom said, your kids wouldn’t turn out like that. But I was, throughout most of my adult life, I never really wanted to have kids anyway, so I didn’t pay attention to that. Of course she’s right. Of course my child would never turn home like this. It comes from the parents. You’re not just born that way. But anyway, eight years ago, I had a job. My business was growing, and I had a job that needed to be filled that almost anybody could do. And so I was thinking I already had a family member working for me, and it was working out pretty well. We had had bad experiences with people off the street. a lot of times before that. And I just thought, is there somebody else I know that I could hire for this? And I actually thought of her, um, because I had heard she was a really hard worker. She was about 22 then. And I had heard she was working really hard at another job that was kind of thankless and didn’t pay well. And I thought, man, she’d probably love this. Uh, and it pays much, much better because I’m, because I, I, I apparently need to be the generous benefactor for everybody and she would probably love this but I just thought no I’m not gonna go there I’m not gonna go there so we put an ad online and she not she didn’t even know I had a business she not knowing it was me responded to the ad and I just thought okay okay this is obviously supposed to happen. So we hired her and, uh, you know, she was pretty good. I mean, she did a good job at the, at the job, but there was always drama, but it was never drama that was brought to us. Or I should say it was never drama directed at us. We received nothing but gratitude from her for a long time. She had drama in her personal life and we compensated for it. It affected her work. It affected her life. It was crazy stuff, but we compensated for it. And I’m sure that was not even subconscious on either of our parts. We were probably like both thinking, or maybe we even said, you know, we need to provide a stable presence for her. She just doesn’t have it anywhere else. And she’s a good kid. And, um, she’s a hard worker. And I think we’ve just both felt like we want to give this person some stability because I know her family. Uh, my blood relative is the one that is probably the most nuts person in the world that caused her to be the way she is. And I guess, honestly, even saying that now I somehow feel responsible. Like that’s so weird. It’s just so misguided and displaced the way like feelings can happen based on your view of yourself. But I don’t know, for some reason, both of us, we just had no problem playing this role. I think we both liked the idea of being in the role of the person who provides stability. And I think that part of that was that Jean and I, my business partner and I had just had such a wild ride in our twenties. And then when we met within a few years, we had stabilized completely and started building. And so I think we both wanted, you know, we, we empathized, we knew what it was like to be where she was and we wanted to help her out of it. And even though we didn’t get any help out of it, we did it all ourselves. We wanted to help her out of it. And I think for both of us also, that gave us a sense of we are no longer in that place. We have fully, it’s like, it was almost like trauma for us. Like it had been so scary being in that position of wildly unstable life and self that I think we both sort of felt it as a confirmation that we are truly out of that place. If we can provide that for somebody else, then that is proof that we are no longer in that place. I don’t know if that’s actually what it was, but I’m guessing that was part of it. Certainly wasn’t conscious. But so we did that. And for the last eight years, without even really it being a second thought, I stayed in that mentality with her. We have overcompensated for her in so many ways. She’s been a great worker when she’s been there. And she’s been there enough. It was never a problem for me. If it had really caused a problem at work, I would have had to let her go or say something or hire somebody else. But it’s pretty flexible what we do. And her job is just like it could kind of get done whenever. It didn’t need to be done on a schedule. Just a certain amount needed to get done every week. I wished that she would do more. There was probably twice as much work as she was doing available for her to do, but I let her kind of choose how much she was going to do. And then I just did the rest of it. Uh, again, I’m the business owner. I’m just going to take, you know, I’m the business owner. I have to, uh, float around and get everything done that everybody else isn’t getting done. That was the way I looked at it. It was always like I was working for the people who worked for me in a way, uh, it was kind of annoying, but I just was like, this isn’t enough of an issue for me to care. Um, and so she was, she was a good worker. She was reliable and she never ever questioned my judgment. She never tried to tell me what to do. She never stepped out of line with respect with me, nor did I with her. Um, it was just great because every other person who’s ever worked for me, every other one, it’s like people come in and they start telling you how things should be run. They start giving opinions that are uninformed and annoying, or they start treating you as an equal in ways that you’re not. And it, which is difficult for me because I’m like, well, everybody’s equal and everybody deserves everything. And, you know, so this sort of mentality that I had, uh, I never wanted to be anybody’s boss because I just, hated the idea of telling other people what to do. So the relationship between me and my, uh, whatever workers was always way too much of equals, which was my fault, my fault. I didn’t want to be a boss. I didn’t want to boss people around. So I would ask people how they wanted to do things, or I would ask them what they felt like doing or whatever, which wasn’t appropriate and which was probably confusing for them. And so with everybody else, uh, that dynamic came back to haunt me. They would overstep their bounds and which I would accept until I couldn’t accept it anymore. And then I would fire them. They would eventually take it too far. I never fired anybody who didn’t deserve it. Trust me. Everybody else would have fired the people that I fired way sooner, but eventually they would cross a boundary that was existed in my mind only. And it was way beyond the boundary where everybody else would probably have laid it out. on the line and made it known and then they would get fired. So it’s this dysfunctional situation between me and the people working for me, uh, including this family member of mine, but she never did that stuff. She never took the weird accommodation that I would give her and tried to use it as leverage or something. She never once did that in eight years until Saturday. And, um, so just, just to give some specifics because everybody who’s heard about this is absolutely horrified. Um, my business partner’s girlfriend who is a Harvard graduate it is gets mad every time she hears about this because of how much this person was getting paid compared to how much, you know, people that are have advanced degrees and, and, or who work in the trades or whatever, get paid. We were paying this family member of mine $35 an hour to do an unskilled task. And a big part of that $35 an hour was me paying her not to start drama with me. I was essentially paying her to compensate for what I was not doing, I guess. I don’t know. This whole situation got set up so crazy that now that I’m looking back on all of it, it’s just nuts. so she’s getting paid this exorbitant rate and I felt like it was worth it because she doesn’t bring any drama she comes in she does her shit she leaves she also picked up a bunch of work when somebody else left earlier this year so I thought the situation is great but this dynamic that I set up was festering beneath the surface this entire time that’s what I now realize. And as long as I was still in that overcompensation mentality, for whatever reason, it stayed stable. And then I had this shift a few months ago. And now, out of nowhere, timing makes no sense. Out of nowhere, this thing happens on Saturday. So first, she sends this long, long text to me and my business partner when her whole problem was with me. So the first thing she did was attempt to pit my business partner and me against each other, which I was absolutely shocked by. And we both knew that’s what she was doing the instant we both got it because the text had nothing to do with him. However, it was about an issue that could potentially piss him off. And thank God that is not what happened. Um, this employee, whatever, not employee, this contractor who was getting paid $35 an hour for a $17 an hour job, uh, told us that she had, she set it up by saying that she had received a better job offer in January. And by better, she somehow, the job she described paid half as much for, I don’t know, I don’t know what she was thinking. It was a much worse job offer that she had somehow now twisted into having been a better job offer that she passed up because she was loyal to us. I passed up this job offer because I’m loyal to you. And I realize now that you’ve been screwing me this whole time. I found out how much another employee makes. That other employee being Matt, my partner. My live-in domestic partner of five years to whom I’m engaged. I found out that Matt made more money than me last year. I don’t know how she found this out, by the way. I don’t know if I said it. I don’t know if Matt told her. I don’t know why he would. I don’t know how she knows this, but I can imagine that it wasn’t something like, I doubt she went through my records or something. So somehow she found out that the total dollar amount that Matt was paid last year exceeded the total dollar amount that she made last year, Even though she worked part-time and he worked full-time. And he is my partner. So she was confused about why I would do that. why she, who is the hardworking, devoted, eight-year, blood-related person in my life, why she would get paid less. And I explained to her that people that work more hours get paid more if they’re being paid the same rate. That didn’t compute. her complaint was even though they don’t work at the same time even though she has no idea what he’s been doing for the last two years because they don’t work at the same time she feels that she is working at max productivity per hour and that he does not and they don’t they don’t do the same job matt doesn’t do a production job matt does an admin job matt does an owner level job. Um, he does a job that I wouldn’t trust almost anybody else to do. In fact, I almost didn’t trust him to do it. Uh, and so I tried to explain this. Um, I explained that his hourly value and her hourly value are equal to me. Actually, she got a raise earlier this year and she now makes more money than he does, which is just another factor here that is mind-blowing. She already, like, her complaint has already been addressed, even though it’s invalid in the first place. But I tried to explain to her that their hourly value is equal to me. I don’t agree with the base premise that she does more valuable work than him. So I disagreed out the gate, but I still offered her. I said, if you feel like you deserve more money, you know, basically this isn’t the right approach for if you’re trying to get more money, what you want to do here is present your case and ask for more money. Even though you already got a big raise, you got a 15% raise earlier this year, you’re making $35 an hour to do a menial task. What more do you want? Do you want more money? Tell me how much and I’ll see if I can do it. I don’t want more money. I’m just, I’m killing myself at this job. I’m just working myself to the bone. I’m on my feet 32 hours a week. And that is just so much for an able-bodied, normal weight, 31-year-old. So I said, well, how about if you work less during the hours you’re here? Why don’t you take a break? I don’t have it in me to take breaks. I’m just a worker. okay so there’s no solution to your problem what are we getting at here what you know I just I don’t think it’s fair I don’t think it’s fair I don’t think it’s fair I’ve never heard a word of this all I’ve heard from her for eight years up till Saturday is I am so grateful I have financial security I would not have there’s no way I could find another job like this you guys are so amazing anything you need to do I’ll do never asked her to do anything and so this just went on and I keep trying to approach this. Okay, let’s shift your perception here. Instead of comparing your hourly output to Matt’s hourly output, why don’t you compare your relationship? Since this is a small family incestuous business, why don’t you compare our distant family relationship to the fact that this is my primary partner and that you may as well think of him as making $1 per hour and just think of us as sharing finances because that is what we do. Uh, you might as well think of it as I make five times more than him. And so, you know, one of the normal ways that people who have a wild income discrepancy deal with that is that the partner that makes five times more just pays for 85% of everything, which I do. And I have no problem with that. I’m just like, why don’t you, why don’t you consider the fact that he is my partner? And for some reason, it just, it just, it just wasn’t working. It just, and I realized after this went on for the whole day, completely wasted my entire day, I realized she’s not looking for a solution here. She is looking to beat me into submission. She wants me to admit that I wronged her. That’s what she’s looking for here for some reason. I don’t know why. I don’t know where this is coming from. I’ve never heard a word of this. I’ve never sensed a shred of this. And this is clearly a power play of some kind. I don’t know. I don’t know why she is. Nothing is going to resolve this other than me agreeing with her viewpoint, which is delusional and I can’t do that that’s my hard boundary when you ask me to participate in your delusion and you also want to you want me to submit you you hit my hard boundaries because people trying to get me to submit there’s just a hard wall there thank god that has saved me so many times. But also, I am a little too interested in the truth of the matter in general to ever do this, what she was asking. So as anybody sane who’s listening to this probably already understands, this was the end of the road. There was no coming back from this. I didn’t respond to, There was a final diatribe that said, this is an injustice. And then it went on to, as the day progressed, she got more and more insulting towards Matt, which was mind-blowing. Which, with whom she had had, as far as I know, a very good relationship for five years. She just started getting more and more vicious and talking about how she ended it by saying her time is worth twice as much as his time, which is wild. And, you know, I was thinking to myself, is this a mental break? Because one of the ways I’ve compensated for this person for the last eight years is events would come up where she had wildly fucked up judgment and would make choices that made no sense and would blow something up in her life. And then she would have no emotional ability to handle it. She checked herself into a psych ward last year. Out of nowhere. I had no notice. I was without somebody at work for a week. So there I’m like, I’m put in this position where I have to, this is my family member and she’s having problems. I should feel sorry for her. But at the same time, I’m running a business, which is not a, you know, which is separate from that. And it has, the business has its own needs. And, you know, I have been compensating for that type of thing the whole time. She’s also been getting benefits that a part-time contractor would never get from anyone else. You know, I paid for her health insurance myself. Um, especially once she started using it to try to deal with mental health things, I paid for that myself. Um, if she, you know, I, I just gave her stuff all the time. If she had a life situation that I knew about that where she really needed to like take a day off in the middle of the week, I would just pay her for it. She used to be grateful for that. But over the last few months, I’ve noticed if I just did that, there was no acknowledgement of it. There was no thanking me for it. And so, so this thing all went down, this whole thing went down on Saturday. And And what is notable about this situation and this thing with this person is that in spite of this mental shift that I had in May to stop overcompensating for people, I did not do that with her. It did not extend to her because the overcompensation I was doing with her was not painful to me. It wasn’t something that irritated me. It wasn’t something that was in my face. It was a choice that felt benevolent. And it was also something I’d been doing for so long that it would have been weird if I stopped. And I would have felt like probably thought about it. Maybe I did think, but maybe I didn’t. You know, it would have felt like penalizing somebody who didn’t deserve it. You know what I mean? Like she was fulfilling her end of the bargain, which was keep your crazy away from me and just get in here and do your job. So that had not been addressed. And it wasn’t going to be addressed. It wasn’t none of this even became conscious for me until this whole thing went down. in the analysis afterwards, that’s where I was able to make the connection that this was one of the biggest, most egregious areas of my life where I was still overcompensating and my self-image and my beliefs about the appropriateness of that have completely changed. And yet there was still this area where it was happening. And so out of nowhere, who knows? I wish I could explain how this affected her mentally that got this situation to come to a head like that so quickly. I mean, it was only a few months after eight years of just equilibrium, everything working out, which made it all the more shocking and confusing. Everybody involved in this, you know, everyone, everyone who knows about it is just like, where did this come from? Why, why would you do this? Like if you are an unskilled worker who is being grossly overpaid and taken care of, how would you get to the point where you, you know, are so wildly wrong in your perception of what the result of your action will be that you blow your whole life up like this? And as this situation progressed, she devolved more into the person. As this like went on, I thought, this is the exact same person. Like she is not, she was quiet and respectful and just came in, did her job. If you talk to her, you know, she’s my family member. I talked to her about stuff that was going on. There’s a lot of stuff that went on this year. We would have conversations where she seemed normal and insightful. Her takes on things seemed normal. This, in spite of glaring incidents of crazy thinking and crazy judgment and stuff that I’ve seen specifically over the last year. You know, I just slowly started to see over the last five days, this is the person from childhood. This is the person that I knew as a child. There’s no change here. This was just a mask. This was like an act that was brought on by this sort of unspoken contract that we had. And then when I shifted a few months ago, it could no longer exist. I realize this now because the strangest thing, you know, Gene and I were like kind of devastated over this because of the amount of caretaking that we’ve done. That wasn’t our job that we just did out of the kindness of our hearts or whatever motivation was there. We were both kind of devastated by this. We were just totally in shock. It took about three days for the shock of this to wear off. Just the reality meeting the idea and it being completely incompatible was so jarring for both of us. I lost my train of thought there that’s how jarring it was but as this progressed she dug her heels in more and I found more and more that I I was glad that it was happening and this was the weird thing for me I felt really guilty about this at first. Um, because like I, I saw what was going to have to happen, which it was immediately visible. I mean, my business partner, after the first text that she sent said, if this were anyone else, I would have just told her to never come in again. Um, it was so accusatory and it was, it was not a conversation. It was a delivery of you guys have fucked me. That was the, The bottom line was, you guys have screwed me. And he’s just, he’s like, I wanted to fire her immediately, but she’s your family member. So, you know, you’re going to have to work this out. You’re going to have to be the one that figures this out. But, you know, it was obvious, you know, I wanted to fire her too after that first thing. But I spent the whole day trying to appease her. I spent the whole day talking to her, trying to explain. thinking, you know, taking her at face value that she really didn’t understand, trying to make her understand and offering remedies that weren’t asked for or accepted. She did not accept the offer of more money, which was the smoking gun for me. It became clear quickly. And especially once I ran this whole thing past the many other members of my family who own businesses and have workers. It became clear to me quickly that she was going to have to be fired. I already knew that because I already knew we had this contract that had been broken for me and that I was never going to want to come in and see her there again. And that, uh, you know, that, um, the, the entitlement and the ungratefulness was just something that was going to disgust me. And I knew it was over, but I expected to be a lot more devastated by it. And as the days passed, I felt relieved. And I know part of it was six months ago, if this had happened, I almost certainly wouldn’t have fired her because I would have looked at her life and I would have said, she clearly has some kind of mental illness and she’s going to have a hard time finding another job. And forcing her to deal with the consequences of her behavior here is going to be devastating for her. And I just don’t want to do that to another person. And I can just tell myself that this was a mental illness and something that she did that she couldn’t control. I can take that on myself. I can take this utter slap in the face and turn the other cheek. I can talk myself out of this because she obviously isn’t able to talk herself out of her irrational and insane point of view. I can do this because I am stable. I had an easier time of it. Whatever I would have told myself, I would have taken it on myself inappropriately. I would have given myself the middle finger. Instead of doing what the right thing is for me, absolutely, this would have had a different outcome six months ago. But quickly after having made this decision and delivered it, and it went, you know, the second it was over, I felt such a tremendous sense of relief that I had not screwed myself over. It was almost an elation. I was just like, you know, thinking about how this would have been different six months ago and saying, oh my God, like if I had allowed this to continue, you know, I’ve heard her the way she talks to her other family members. There’s obviously a power dynamic between her and other family members where she gets control over people by forcing them, like browbeating them into agreeing with her, agreeing that she’s the victim. I’ve seen this and it’s a family member. I’ve seen this. Um, and I just thought I would have been walking that path right to becoming one of those family members. And this was like the first test and I, it sucks. I also, you know, I also had to scramble to figure out how to, um, compensate for the absence in my business. So that sucked. Um, you know I had to do that so you know this wasn’t like an easy thing for me but um I was just like fuck I would have it would have been such a bad thing for myself if I had handled this any other way and so I started you know I started to feel kind of good in that way afterwards I just thought good good I did not let somebody like do something crazy to me here so that’s good um but I also started to feel relief because I just hadn’t realized how energetically taxing it had been constantly balancing out her life like all of the million times that she called off work and I paid her anyway or you know I don’t think she was told no one time in eight years anytime she needed to do anything. Uh, I treated her like a family member instead of a worker. And I tried to look out for her in ways she didn’t even ask for. Um, you know, which I’m not saying is, is a great thing. I just, I volunteered stuff to cushion her. Like last year she had a car problem and she and her dad, who is another problem, uh, she and her dad like could not get their shit together to rent a car. Like it was insane. She had no car for like a week. And, and she was just like, I can’t deal with this. I can’t, you know, I’m just like, when are you going to be at work again? I don’t have a car. I’m waiting for my dad to negotiate some, you know, it’s just like, fuck, I just PayPal her 600 bucks. And I was like, please go rent a car right now. You know, I need you to get back to work and start doing your job and you need a car. And this is crazy. You don’t have to pay me back. Just go take care of this. You know, I didn’t want that drama It was starting to affect me. And so I just threw money at it and fixed it. It was just the more that I’ve, you know, stepped back because I know there’s no way that this incident just came from nowhere. It was obviously, there was the potential for this was always there. And so I’ve been analyzing it to death for like five days. And more and more, I’ve just been realizing what a fucked up situation it was and how much I just tolerated it and allowed this energetic leakage to be ever present, you know, in order to avoid doing the hard thing, which is, you know, the emotional hard thing, which is let a family member have a bad life if that’s what’s appropriate. one. And two, deal with my own shit of not wanting to be a boss because that me not wanting to be a boss is why we’ve had such problems with outside hires, outside the family hires. You know, I supported this whole situation because I didn’t want to have to deal with that. It’s that simple. I was willing to take on like so much extra cost, financial cost, emotional cost, all of that. I was willing to take all of that on because I didn’t want to deal with having to hire a stranger again because of our bad experience in the past. And I just realized how much I’ve been overcompensating for that over the last few days. That’s come to light. you know, it’s just, I don’t know. It’s like, it’s, it’s been so weirdly okay. Like, I don’t know. One, a few of the, the weird side, like things that happened from this that were also, you know, are unfortunate in some cases, unfortunate in others. This has, of course, you know, my family knows about this, my extended family. And, um, this is an insane situation. Have I, have I conveyed that enough? Like this whole thing devolved into, you need to admit that you’ve been screwing me on pay, which is just factually out of this world. Um, so there’s not much of like, unless you take into account the entire psychological breakdown that I just gave you and factored in, which quite literally no one in my family is capable of even doing, I don’t think. If you don’t factor all that in, um, there’s, it’s like, this is black and white. Like one party was generously helping the other out for eight years. And so, uh, not only that, but you know, most of my family agrees that you can’t let somebody who is working for you come at you like that. It’s just, it’s just not a workable situation moving forward after that. Uh, so most of the people in my family that, you know, that know this story, it’s, it’s kind of black and white to everybody. So I don’t have a problem with anybody, but this family member’s father, who is the reason that she thinks the way she does, uh, I don’t know why I was shocked by this, but, Um, I told him all about this. We had a, we had a great relationship. I told him all about this. I told him my right, right when it was happening, I texted him and just said, this is what’s happening. And this is really unfortunate, but I don’t feel like I have another choice. Uh, and I basically gotten like a one word reply to everything I said. And then yesterday, Another one of my family members told me that he had, oh, by the way, by the way, I paid for her health insurance for the rest of the year and I gave her $16,000 on the way out so that she wouldn’t even have to rush to find a new job. $16,000. My uncle texted another family member and told them that I fired my hardest working and most devoted employee and left her high and dry without an equal paying job, which she will literally never find again in her life. I left her high and dry without a job. He’s well, I told him, I told him that I gave her that money. So this has, it’s like this shift for me, somehow at an energetic level, caused this other incompatible situation to erupt within months. Out of nowhere. No instigating incident at all. And it’s caused this separation between people with incompatible mentalities. mentalities. You know, uh, my worker is gone. Um, I don’t come back easily from people spreading lies about me, especially, I mean, especially that, you know, a lie to that degree. So now I’ve got it. Now that person is like gone and I’ve had to think about it and think, man, you know, he’s always been insane. And again, it was another person who’s like insane, but who, hey, we’re connected, so keep you around. I’ll hear the insane things you say and say, oh, that’s just him. You know, another person is being separated. It’s being moved further away from me. It’s crazy. I totally did not see that coming. I don’t know why. It makes perfect sense. I don’t know how I didn’t see that that would happen. I just thought nobody can be this delusional other than her. Turns out that she got her ability to be delusional from her father. So anyway, this to me was just a crazy, crazy illustration of all of this. You know, interestingly, I think just because I’m so grateful, my business partner did not, you know, he didn’t fall for any of this. Thank God. He could have been embroiled in something and started to take issue with something. He didn’t. We had kind of a united front on this, which was really good. He and I usually do not see eye to eye on anything. we just we have such a long history and we were sort of like you know war buddies we came out of this unstable point in our life we’re kind of trauma bonded or something and you know we were together for a long time and built our whole life together so we have all of this like underlying bonding and underlying forever gratitude towards each other so that that heals a lot of wounds but on the surface we disagree all the time we bicker all the time we bicker all the time at work we bickered in front of my family member um and so she knew to use that you know she she knew that we don’t agree on things and I know she sent that to try to start some kind of shit or to try to get him on her side against me or something I don’t know it was not sent out of respect to the fact that he also owns the business because she knows that I’m the one that actually makes all the decisions and runs the whole thing. So, um, he was like right there with me on that. And that was so great. I mean, I’m, I’m, you know, I feel like this was another, we’ve had a couple of other incidents in life, just not in work. But when we were still together, we had a few things where when the shit really hit the fan, when it really mattered, we were on the same page. And, uh, I often think things are a crisis more than he does. Or I often think things, maybe that’s not the right way to put it. I often take something way more seriously than he does. I see something that I think really needs to happen or a problem that is emerging that really needs to be addressed like right now and seriously. And he’ll be like, oh, whatever. And it’s so annoying to me because then I feel like I have to carry that whole problem on myself. You know, I don’t, I feel like he refuses to take on half of the problem, but at least in the areas like this where it’s kind of a big shock and it’s really fucking hot in here. These incidents, he’s been consistent. And so this was sort of like a reinforcing that when it really comes down to it, we’re on the same page. So that was great. And I don’t know what happened, but during this conversation where my worker became more and more insulting to Matt, it was so weird. She just insulted him more and more. And I was trying to ignore that because I was trying to stay rational and stay focused on the issue at hand and address the actual problem, not like this emotional outburst trying to find out what the actual problem was. I just kind of ignored everything she said about him. And there was this final text where she was incredibly insulting. And that’s where I was like, she’s gone for sure. I’m done. This is it. She’s fired. Or whatever. Her contract is terminated. She was never an employee. She was always an Atwell contractor that did whatever the hell she wanted and came in whenever she wanted and did shit however she wanted. as that went on, I just started to kind of feel defensive of Matt. I started to kind of, um, you know, I don’t know. I just, I started to really like take offense to that, even though I knew that it wasn’t rational necessarily. I don’t know where it’s coming from. Um, and in talking about this stuff with Matt, I think he kind of felt validated. I don’t know, something about this caused Matt and I to also feel like we’re more solid again. I have a similar relationship in ways with Matt. You know, like, day-to-day disagreements or incompatibilities or whatever can be really demoralizing over time. But then it’s like, you know, seeing his sane view of the whole thing and, you know, he didn’t get weird or take it personally that she did said all that stuff about him. But I don’t know, something about that also sort of like reignited sort of, or just like, I guess it’s sort of like shined a light on things that we have in common that are easily forgotten. You know, when you have a solid, um, common worldview with somebody where you share values, that’s incredibly important for like having a stable foundation just for a life, for a house to live together and, you know, just all of that. But that can fade into the background, um, a lot and not be noticeable, uh, until the hits the fan and, um, it’s important. And then, so that was really good. It’s like, this was, this was, I don’t know if this sounds like as big of a deal as it was, but I mean, this was sort of, this was just a shattering event for me and Jean because of what we’ve done for this person. And because of what we thought the reality was and obviously how we viewed ourselves, you know, And the fact that she supported that and then had this entirely like twisted 180 degrees different. I mean, it was just this was very destabilizing for for us. And obviously, because it’s a family member of mine, there’s that threat of some kind of family feud now and all that stuff, which just seems to be. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen with that. But I don’t know if this seems like as big of a deal just in the recounting of it as it is emotionally for everybody involved. but that’s another thing you know these these energetic incompatibilities they they just like that’s so woo sounding um they just play out as human drama it’s not it’s not uh you know it’s and and i’m saying that because it’s a direct parallel to anything having to do with manifesting it’s it just plays out in human drama people treat this like it’s a magic trick it’s not this is all just how you energetically, which translates into behaviorally, you know, in your decision making, all of that stuff. It’s just how you create your opportunities and your life and all of that. But yeah, interestingly, it made things stronger in areas that were already, had already kind of survived that initial shift for me and it just violently shook out this incompatible energy that was still in alignment with my previous skewed approach that had been based on beliefs that had changed and obligations that had changed and insights that had been had and all of that. It’s like it shook itself out. I didn’t have to do it. And it came out of nowhere. That’s the, that’s the thing about this. It’s just like, um, you don’t, you know, if you don’t do it, it will be done for you for good and for bad. You know, this is to my benefit, obviously, um, in the long run. Uh, and so thank God, you know, thank God this wasn’t one of the instances of you refuse to change something about yourself. And so something good you have in your life is going to be violently removed. I mean, that’s the flip side of this. That’s, you know, that’s what’s happening to most people most of the time, probably me too. I’m, you know, I’m not thinking about that particular thing now. You know, when you get something good in your life and it is incompatible with you, it’s not going to stay. It will be shaken out like that. That’s that is not understood. It absolutely is going to be understood. I don’t know if that’s clear. These AI advancements are going to, I don’t even, I don’t even think about the next five years. I literally think about today because there is no predictable future right now. And this is going to be, it’s like this event that I just experienced is, is going to be experienced like at a global level. It’s going to be experienced on a personal level for everybody. What is coming is a revelation. Is revelations coming? What is coming is revelation. The truth is going to be seen and you can choose to actively you can choose to do things rather than having them done to you in many instances and should because of what’s coming which doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you’re just willing to take personal accountability and look at yourself and be honest, which it turns out I’m amazed. I’m amazed at this incident this weekend. I would not have thought the person in question would be able to delude herself to that degree. I think she probably has a diagnosable personality disorder. This is an ongoing thing for her. It’s not, this isn’t something new. You know, she’s been struggling with this. She’s had some incidents in the last year that are crazy. She’s had falling out with other family I should have known. I just didn’t have any problems with her that I knew of, so I just didn’t think it was going to come my way. But it is amazing the reality that people can convince themselves of to protect things like unresolved trauma and shame. You can create a complete fantasy world to protect you from these things, or you can address them. You can have the courage and deal with it, which I have to give it to her. She was trying to do, um, but it didn’t happen fast enough, I guess, for her to stop being incompatible with me. Um, so I, I just, you know, I’m getting into the deep human details of it, but what really blows me away about this is when I step back, you know, 10 miles away from this whole situation and just say, well, these two things were incompatible and something was going to shake it out. And I wasn’t playing my role enough to cause that thing. So it had to just blow up somehow. It had to, it had to come entirely through her. Uh, and I’ll never understand the mechanics of that, but I do rely on it as, as it is, you know, how can you call something a law if you don’t know it’s a law, but it’s a law. Um, it’s reliable. Uh, and if there’s anybody else in my life who doesn’t belong there, I know that this is going to happen with them too. Uh, it’s just, it’s, it’s, it’s just, um, the way it works. Whoever isn’t compatible with whatever this vibe is that I have now for better and worse, you know, for good and bad, whoever can’t resonate with this will not be able to be near me, will not be able to have a relationship with me. I hope that people take that to heart. It is happening. And you don’t have to understand how it works to understand why it works. Or I should say, you don’t have to understand why it works to understand how it works. Or you don’t have to understand why or how it works to understand that it works. Is that better? I don’t know. You can count on it working even if you don’t understand it. And just rely on the fact that as you get more and more clear about the truth of yourself, as you return to that original undamaged energy that you possessed at some point, even if it was only for two hours of your life, as you like dig down through all the shit that’s been piled on top of whoever you really are in your whole untouched version, people, you know, as you do that, people are going to fall away. It’s just, it’s going to happen. And you can also count on if I change for the better, better things are going to resonate with me. Things that resonate with the better version of me will be drawn in somehow. And the things that don’t resonate me will be expelled somehow. The trash will take itself out. And the good stuff will find its way in. And you don’t really have to worry about it. Just do what you can. And as insane things happen, view it through that lens. And then you will be able to see what it is clearly. so um that’s my wild story for now I’m not sure there’s anything else to add to this as always I’m going to credit myself with this because I’m tired of never giving myself credit for the shit that I do that is hard um I am going to credit myself with having examined every way that I contributed to this and having examined every way I could have possibly not had to take the action that I took because I knew the impact it was going to have. I don’t see how I had any other choice. This was clearly just a situation that was no longer compatible and it wasn’t knowing what I know about how these things work. I was 100% sure this was the first in a long line of incidents that were not, it was not going to get better. It just, and given what I had provided, I did not feel an obligation to try to work it out. I decided that the obligation fell on the other party to examine their own behavior and their own and all of that. And sadly, I don’t think any lessons are going to be learned there, which really sucks, you know? And if you’re a parent, if you’re a parent, I would just like to say that the two parties that were involved in creating this mental situation were a totally, it was a totally discipline-free environment, No consequences for actions. Parents that wanted to be your friend and didn’t want to be your parent. It’s interesting because she found then a boss who didn’t want to be her boss but wanted to just be friends. It causes kids to be totally fucked up if they don’t have strong parental figures. That being said, if you’re going to be a strong parental figure, don’t program your child to think that they’re a piece of shit either, please. It doesn’t work either way. But, you know, sometimes you have to do the hard things so that somebody will learn. And the parents of this person are still no longer willing to do that. They’re, they’re going to support this delusion. Um, and they’re going to support whatever caused this to come about. And it is absolutely baseless. And, um, it’s just going to result in delay. It’s going to result in whatever needs to be learned about, you know, whatever life lesson needs to be learned here, it’s not going to be learned. I have a feeling that everybody who was born in about 1981 or earlier is going to completely side with me on this. And everybody who was born after 1981 is going to be saying, but she was just sharing her feelings. It seems to be a generational thing too, is what I’m saying. Anyway, I hope that there was anything in here for anybody. But if nothing else, I wanted to just lay this whole thing out as a detailed and to me, just kind of shocking additional bit of evidence that you don’t have to make things happen. The things that belong with you will be with you. And the things that don’t belong with you, even if you keep them around, they will leave. They will be expelled. They will do something that causes you, that forces you to either choose between your new mentality, to choose between your new mentality and your old one, and you’ll have no choice. It won’t be a choice. I wouldn’t have been able to sustain that. I would have had to go back to my old mentality to do that. So that’s it. That’s all I wanted to say about this and, uh, good luck and good day.